I've been searching for words lately…words that somehow
articulate the aching and groaning deep inside my heart.
I read this blog by Jamie the Very Worst Missionary this
morning and found a flood of emotion running over me.Her words resonate deep inside my heart.
“Fire bones” are something I've seen growing in my community
here among the staff at AIM.I
have several brothers and sisters who have found themselves in place of
increasing fire and intimacy with the Lord.The challenge for me, like Jamie has been that: “I
stood right next to him, holding a barely burning ember in the sweaty palm of
my hand, hoping that no one else could see the difference between us.”
I have found myself in the desert lately,
wandering, aimlessly.This desert
has been somewhat self-inflicted in that I have often chosen not to “stoke my
fire”...for a reason.The season I find myself in
is painful.It involves feelings
of grief and of pain and continued revelation of my need for greater healing in
the area of past hurt and rejection.
Up to this point in my relationship with the
Lord, I had never found myself wandering in the desert.Everything I've known of Him and of
faith, was soft, fluffy and peaceful.It wasn't hard, it didn't hurt and it didn't require me to press through
anything ugly or messy--if it did, I was blinded by the fact that I am
desperately in love with my Savior.
I still love Him immensely, however, this season
is different, in that I don't feel His love pouring out of me like it has in
past seasons.For the first time
in my life, I feel like I question Him and what He's doing.I ask Him why and I wonder if I really
want to continue to dive into deeper intimacy.In reality, I do, but I want it to come without having to
feel the pain and mix of emotions that come along with the process of healing.
In my desperate attempt to avoid these feelings,
I've avoided Him and any “stoking of the fire” that might spark such emotion;
hence the aching and groaning in my heart.
I understand the necessity of pressing through.I know I cannot allow my fear of
feeling something to keep me from the intimacy with the Father that I desire
and was created for.Still, the
choice is weighty and one that I make less hastily than I used to.
I share this with you because I know others walking through
similar seasons on their journey of faith. I want this (my blog) to become a
place where the depth and reality of my relationship with the Lord is
shared.
There are stories upon stories that I can and will share with you about Him and
all He continues to do in and through my ministry, the World Race and
Adventures in Missions.
But I want
you to see the true reality of my personal walk with the Savior as well.I want to hear your praises, thoughts, and
struggles too.
The last several months have been a bit of a
whirlwind.Things have been “a
buzz” around the office since this spring (April/May) when we entered our busy
season here at Adventures in Missions.The spring, summer and fall have been filled with preparing, training
and mobilizing over 500 young adults with our World Race and Real Life
programs.During the course of the
last 8 months, we hosted five training camps, launched groups to nations around
the world, and five groups will launch in the first two weeks of January 2011.
In addition to helping with preparations for and the execution of
training camps, I took on a new position within the World Race department.In September, I became a team
leader for the support coaches in our admissions department. Part of my
responsibility now includes continued development of the support raising program for World Race and
Real Life participants. I recently
spent some time giving this process a bit of a make over. The hope in revamping our
approach to raising support is to better steward our participants by setting them up for success as
they raise the necessary funds for their 11 month journey on the World Race.
Fellow Support Coach Kayla Phillips
As a member of the Support Coaching team, I have taken on the role as a support coach
for three squads of World Racers.As a coach, I relay information to participants about upcoming
deadlines, coach them through various steps in raising support, pray with them
and cheer them on until they reach the goal to fully fund their Race.
Support
coaching is my favorite part of what I do.It is amazing to watch the Lord work and move in the lives
of the racers.Participants
quickly see that their World Race journey begins well before they set foot in
another country.They learn a
great deal about sharing their God given passion with others and inviting their
community to be a part of what the Lord is doing through them while they are on
the World Race.Although many are
initially challenged by the idea of raising support, they frequently flood my
e-mail with stories of personal growth, breakthrough, and revelation of the
Lord's provision.It is apparent
to me that coaching these young men and women to successfully raise support is
an essential step in empowering them to share the love of Christ around the
World.
I
am honored to be a vessel for the Lord in the lives of so many, and I truly
enjoy watching Him use each part of the World Race journey to draw His children
into deeper relationship with Him and bring glory to His name!
I want to extend a special thanks to all of you who continue to make my ministry with the World Race possible! Your prayers and financial support are greatly appreciated! May the Lord pour out His blessings and favor upon you this Christmas season!
The following is a blog written by a racer from L Squad, Justine Zins. She has been out in the field since October 2009. Her team is currently ministering in Nigeria. This is her latest story:
Today I walked through a small village in Nigeria, where just
months prior hundreds of families were slaughtered in the wee hours of
the night into the break of dawn. March marked the calendar in a long
decade of conflict between Christian and Muslim, ethnic groups,
political groups, and neighbors.
This place once named for salvation and peace. Now, the blood of
God's children, Christian and Muslim, cries out in desperation for
justice, peace, and hope.
We walked through the village to see homes that had been torched,
windows broken, and lives that had been shattered. We listened to
accounts from children to elders in the village of the bloodshed and
horror of that unexpected night in March.
As I listened to their stories memories floated to the surface of
fears I had as a small child. I remembered having this fear, from where
it came - I know not, that someone would break into my room and cut off
my limbs. I would sleep in a ball, curled up on my bed thinking that if
they went to cut off my legs, they would miss and it would wake me up to
run. My fear of someone breaking in was usually abated by my parents
assuring me that the door was locked, and that it would not happen. My
hope came from the belief that it was near impossible that something
like that would ever happen, that I could trust in the safety of my
home, my father's protection, and my faith in the deadbolt on the front
door. My childhood nightmare was the reality of these children.
Mercy, a twenty-year-old girl, in the village told us her story
today. Her arm was bandaged from finger tip to elbow and her nose had
been sliced off from the tip to the left side. She was asleep in her
room with her siblings when she awoke to men in her room hacking her
siblings to death with machetes.
An elder in the village gave his story. There were gunshots fired; a
few here and a few there to waken the villagers out of their beds and
draw them out of their homes. They came out of their homes to find men
with machetes ready to kill. The only hope was to run and hide for most
of the villagers. This man lost ten of his children and his wife that
night.
There is an entire generation of children in that village that woke
up to my nightmare. The very thing that plagued me in paralyzing fear in
the night as a child, is their very reality.
I feel there are no words to process what I heard today. I will not
even attempt. As I pour over my reasons for hope now, I realize that I
had a false sense of hope. This hope was not universal or incorruptible.
It could not be extended to all. There was no eternal sense about it.
That leaves one hope, and One alone.
My team will be spending days at a
time in the villages that were brutally massacred. We will be focusing
on the children as much as we can. We know there is great HOPE.
We know that God can take what the enemy intended for destruction and
use it for good. We know that there is a HOPE for the
next generation that they will stand for peace, justice, and above all, LOVE.
We know that perfect love casts out all fear and that is what we intend
to bring: Agape, Abba, God, LOVE. He is perfect LOVE.
We will be praying with them,
prophesying over them, and teaching them. We will also play games with
them, sing with them, and laugh with them.
We have hope because we have Christ.
We have hope because we truly KNOW Him. It is from that relationship
that hope is birthed.
Through the years of devastation in
this city Muslims and Christians alike have twisted their books to a
terrifying end. It is flat out distortion, perversion, deception, and
the deadly will of the enemy. It is only Truth that will prevail and
bring freedom. All need to hear it. All need to come face to face with
Truth and Love and surrender.
I wrote a blog a few weeks ago entitled: My God is so BIG where I talked about some of the awesome things our Heavenly Father is doing in and through some of our Real Life teams in Africa. When I wrote that particular entry, I too was in a place where I felt as though God was challenging and stretching my understanding of who He is. He has continued to do this.
The last several weeks I have been wrestling with the passage in John 21 where Jesus asks Peter three times, "Do you love me?". (As a quick reminder, Peter is the one who denied Jesus 3 times on the night of the crucifixion, and now, after the resurrection, Jesus stands before Peter and asks him three times if he loves Him). I feel as though Jesus has been asking me this very question lately along with another question that he asks Peter in Luke 9:20 "But what about you?...Who do you say that I am?".
I'll be honest in saying that my answer has often been: "Yes, Lord, I love you, but I don't know who you are in my life.". I have struggled a little to see Him as the God that He tells us He is in His Word. I've had to ask Him where He is in things and why I should see Him as trustworthy in my life. Bold and defiant even, I know.
The Lord, in His love and mercy has shown me who He is this week. He's shown me how the hurts and pains in this life provide avenues and places for Him to move--to "show up" and REVEAL more of who He is to me. Does this mean He makes such things to happen, no, but He USES them to bring Himself glory--to redirect my eyes towards Him, once again.
This week alone, I have seen God as a provider, a protector, a comforter and a friend. I know He has been so much more, but these are the ways that He has allowed me to consciously see Him moving. I was humbled before Him this morning as I sat at His feet and heard Him ask me, "Jessica, who do YOU say that I am?". My answer this morning couldn't be "Lord, I don't know."
A trend that has been spreading through the World Race staff community recently is daily declarations of who God is. So often, we lose sight of the truth that God IS who He says He is. He is good, He is love, He is trustworthy, etc., etc.. We get wrapped up in this world and lose sight of the ALMIGHTY POWER of God to overcome obstacles and bring joy and blessing into our daily lives. So, we have a page of declarations to speak truth and prophesy richness over our day.
This morning, as I sat before the Lord, I sensed Him telling me to declare who He is in my life and to claim it as truth again and again. I want to challenge you this morning to do the same.
If you need a little help in reminding yourself who He is, take some time to listen to this declaration from Chris Tomlin. I think it captures a hint of how God wants us to see Him in our daily lives...
Mark
your calendars. August 30 - September 2, 2010
We'll give you three hints
and only ONE guess as to where we are headed...
Hint #1 - you might see rainbows with pots of gold. Hint #2
- there will be little green men - or at least we're told. Hint #3 -
it's the birthplace of Guinness - the beer of old!
IRELAND. Yes. Believe it.
And... if you come, you might just
be able to worship to the musical stylings of... JONATHAN DAVID HELSER.
The Awakening is a Prophetic Worship Experience & World
Race Alumni reunion.
We're planning for over 500 in attendance
at this year's event - current World Race squads, World Race Alumni, and
friends & family of Alumni are all invited!
Check out www.theworldrace.org/awakening
for more information and to begin planning! More details to
come. Stay tuned and spread the word!
Last year, in Tanzania, our team spent some time working with the Kid's program at the church we ministered with that month. One particular Saturday, we spent a few hours teaching them to sing "My God is So Big" in English so they could perform it in church the next day. One of my favorite things about teaching this song is the hand motions that go with it which put emphasis on the fact that God is so big and so strong that there is NOTHING He cannot do.
I will confess that last year may have been one of the first times in my life that I really began to see the truth in these words. It took my leaving the country, having to raise a large sum of money and meeting people in places where I had nothing I could physically offer them to ease their pain and hardship for me to begin to fully rely on God to be who He says He is in my life and in the lives of those I ministered to. In each and every moment of need, the Lord revealed Himself to us. Sometimes He revealed Himself in the ways we asked Him to and in others, He revealed Himself differently, but He never failed to "show up".
My dear friend and former squadmate, Kelly, is now in charge of the Real Life program here at AIM. Kelly visited the office a couple of weeks ago and took some time one morning during her visit to share some of what the Lord is doing in and through some of the Real Life teams we have out in the field right now. The following is her account of what one of the teams shared with her when she went out to visit them--it's an awesome reminder of how the Lord continues to move in our lives when we call upon Him and ask Him to provide for our every need.
"2 days after our Real Life Kenya team hit
African soil, they were given a few tents and sent into the
bush with the Maasai tribe for a week. Their assignment? Door
to door evangelism. (Well, maybe hut to hut is more accurate!)
So they headed out, confident in the Lord if not in themselves.
But for several groups, they were met with a less than favorable
response. It seemed nobody was all that interested in hearing about
Jesus, and instead could only talk about rain. They'd experienced a
drought for several months and finally one man became downright
disrespectful before putting it bluntly, 'If there is a God, why hasn't
He brought rain for so long?'
As the team looked into this man's eyes their discouragement turned
into determination and they prayed for rain. They prayed for rain as
if this one man's life depended on it. And sure enough, that night, the
skies opened up and did it ever rain. In fact, it rained for 3
days straight until finally, on the last night, their tents
flooded and their mattresses started floating away.
When it
finally stopped long enough for them to leave their shelter, they went
back out and stumbled across this same man.
He didn't seem to want to get too close and they could see the fear
in his eyes. When they finally approached them, he said, 'I've
searched up and down this valley for someone who could bring the rains
and nobody's been able to do it. I don't know who your God is, but if
he can control the rain, then I want to know him.' So the
team prayed with him and praised God that He is not only the God of our
salvation, but also a God who can send the rains."
The same God who brought this rain is alive and at work here in the United States! He loves YOU and desires relationship with YOU! He desires to answer the cries of YOUR heart and provide for YOUR every need. Do you BELIEVE this is true? Is He really THAT BIG?! Are you willing to ASK Him?
Since coming on staff here in GA with The World Race, I have had a number of opportunities to dive into conversation with young adults who are considering taking part in the World Race adventure and with participants who have been accepted to go on The World Race. Once racers are accepted to a specific race, they are assigned to a team blog where they can communicate with others who will be embarking on this journey with them, and we, as staff have the opportunity to read what they are posting. The following is a blog I read this morning written by Kirsten George, one of the June 2010 racers. Her words really struck a chord in my heart. My heart races when Lord reveals His heart to His children and leads them to share His goodness with those around them! I hope Kirsten's words resonate with your Spirit as much as they did mine!
KIRSTEN's Heart...
I
am so grateful tonight. Who am I that God thinks so highly of me? I
have recently been forced to take a long good look at my life.
All of my sins, my mistakes, my failures. I've had to look at it
all. Just tonight. I was having a serious discussion with a brand new
roommate and old unknown friend. I was faced with the decision to tell
her that everything I have gone through was somehow worth it. I could
have lied, and told her that my damaged past was worth it to feel this
healthy when it really wasn't.
But somehow, I was able to look her straight in the eyes, and
say,"All of the crap I have gone through, all the poor choices, all the
evil sins and situations God let me get fall into, was WORTH it because
it has gotten me to this place. The place where I can say for the first
time that I feel healthy. I feel alive. I finally feel loved and
independent."
And it's all about God. He has brought me through all of these
trials and tribulations to meet me here, at a place where I can lift
another up. My sister is hurting. She is in pain, unsure of what God
has in store for her life, and I (hopefully) was able to bring her some
sort of hope, because I was able to say: "I was there. I understand.
And I got through with His help, and you can too."
The fact that God somehow counts me worhty to help another person,
someone who I look up to and respect, is amazing. I feel like Aaron or
Hur who held up the arms of Moses when the Israelites fought the
Amalekites. Who am I to help someone as respected as Moses? As
knoweldgable as Solomon? As powerful as David?
And yet, God chose me, for such a time as this, the way he chose
Ester. . . I am beyond blown away. I didn't know that I would EVER
amount to ANYTHING as far as the Kingdom of God is concerned, and now,
I know that if I don't bridge this gap NOW it may forever be uncrossed.
God has shown me Love, how could I not share that with others? We
are all a beautiful disaster, and God is constantly seeking to show us
love, to heal us of our broken hearts and our bloody scars. The healing
is what hurts the most, but the health it leaves us with is WORTH any
pain it takes to get there.
Jesus knew this. That's why He died on that cross. He knew how
badly His father wanted to be reconciled with us, and so Jesus took the
pain we could not endure to bring us back. To heal us from the death of
our sins, Jesus openly received our wounds so that He would know how to
heal us. Yes, He healed people in His life, but how many more did He
heal in His death?
So let me die to myself. Let me face MORE trials and MORE
tribulations if it allows me to understand the hurting. Bring the pain
and the sorrow if It shows me how to heal a wound or share a smile. It
is so worth it. To know that you're not alone, and to show others they
aren't alone. So worth it.
It's been 37 days since the Earthquake in Haiti, and I have to admit that I have been rather distant from everything that is going on--not because I don't care and not because I'm not concerned. It's simply because I have busied myself with other things.
I had the opportunity this morning to sit in on a presentation by Seth Barnes (founder of AIM) and Clint Bokelman (head of the short term missions department at AIM). As Clint shared his heart and the experiences he had in his three day trip to Haiti, my heart broke. Clint told story after story about people he met and the experiences he had while he was there, but what he really drove home was the PRESENCE of our Father's KINGDOM IN HAITI. Each story he told oozed with truth about the glory and majesty of GOD. He spoke consistently about the work that GOD IS doing in Haiti. He told story after story about the church rising up in Haitian communities and pouring out praise and thanksgiving for all that God has given them.
The reality of faith and God's Kingdom in the hearts of these people humbles me again and again. I've sat at home for the last 4 weeks, eating my fill, sleeping on a bed with a roof overhead and an abundance of water to drink--and yet I have become frustrated with the Lord time and again in this short period of time and have expressed those frustrations to Him as if I was actually entitled to something. I have neglected to praise Him and honor Him and have lacked, nothing.
I stand in agreement with what the Father is doing in Haiti. My Spirit stirs and roars when I hear the truth in Clint's stories. I want you to see the heart that I see--our Father's heart for this nation (Haiti), OUR nation (USA) and the nations around the world! The Kingdom of God isn't just coming, it is here--alive in you and me, and we are called to action--to be His hands and feet and to share HIS truth!
I encourage you to set aside some time to read Clint and Seth's blogs and the blog on our Haiti blog page. The Father is pouring Himself out--He is there! Don't miss HIM!! I pray that God would give you eyes to see HIM moving in Haiti and around the world.
If the Lord has laid it on your heart to be a light to the Haitian people, I pray that you would pursue that yearning. Below is a link to to some of the opportunities offered through AIM but I would encourage you to pursue a partnership wherever the Lord leads you!
This page has all the listed trips available as of now. Most are 7 days, some are 9, some are 14 days; for the next 6 months.
This is the main site.
"For God so LOVED THE WORLD, that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life." John
3:16
"GREATER LOVE has NO ONE than this,
that He LAY DOWN HIS LIFE for His friends." John
15:13
"Love
is
patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not
proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily
angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil,
but rejoices with the TRUTH. It always protects, always trusts, always
hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails..." 1 Corinthians 13:4-8a
Many blessings as you celebrate the ones you love!
The New Year seems to be starting off in full sprint.When I pause for moment and look back
on where the Lord has taken me in the last 18 months, I am truly amazed.He has molded, moved, and shaped my
life in some powerful and significant ways.It's crazy to think that it all started with a prompting to
go into missions for a year.Little did I know that "running away with the Lord" for this time would
have the impact on my life that it has.
As I prepare to move forward on this path the Lord has let before
me, I find myself reflecting on the events of this past year.The Lord used the race to open my eyes
and fan a flame in my heart for the nations and for His seeing His Kingdom
around the world.
Before leaving for GA on Monday, I will be giving a presentation
at church about my experiences this last year.The video below is a compilation of photos I collected while
I was out in the field.I thought
I would share this with you as a way of celebrating all the Lord has done and
all He is going to do in the year to come!
I wrote a blog a few weeks ago entitled: 
Last year, in Tanzania, our team spent some time working with the Kid's program at the church we ministered with that month. One particular Saturday, we spent a few hours teaching them to sing "My God is So Big" in English so they could perform it in church the next day. One of my favorite things about teaching this song is the hand motions that go with it which put emphasis on the fact that God is so big and so strong that there is NOTHING He cannot do. 
